jeudi 31 mai 2007

Presque rien

Aujourd'hui, je suis allée à mon ancien laboratoire, où j'essaie de reprendre quelques contacts pour avoir un lieu de travail (tout bénévole soit-il, mon travail) l'an prochain.


Essayé de travailler...


Fait un p'tit tour pour aller dire bonjour dans les bureaux de mes amis. Discuté avec une copine qui fait sa thèse en cotutelle avec l'Ecosse et qui est là pour quelques jours. Elle est en train de rédiger, pour soutenir en novembre-décembre. Elle m'a raconté qu'elle avait fait une demande de bourse UK qui permet, d'après ce qu'elle m'a dit, d'être payé pendant un an à exploiter les résultats de sa thèse, faire des publis etc. On reste affilié à son labo d'origine et tout ce qu'on nous demande c'est de publier. Et on peut avoir le droit à 3 mois de rallonge des fois qu'on voudrait en profiter pour faire un séjour à l'étranger. C'est pas dingue, ça ? (En gros c'est exactement ce qu'ils demandent au CNRS pour compléter le dossier sauf qu'eux, ils ne payent pas l'année en plus...)


Essayé de travailler...


Eté boire un café au resto du coin parce que je n'avais pas de monnaie pour la machine, et que j'avais envie d'un vrai bon café. Lu Libé en diagonale, discuté du bout de gras avec le patron.


Essayé de travailler...


Eté déjeuner. Avec deux copines pas vraiment proches. Certains ont mangé un sandwiche devant leur machine parce qu'avaient du travail, d'autres, ceux avec qui d'habitude je déjeune toujours (ma fine équipe, en somme) étaient en réunion avec des niçois et bien trop occupés. Et puis ça ne se fait pas, quand certains ont des invités, de s'incruster comme ça. Alors va pour un déjeuner entre copines pas trop proches, ça change et c'est sympa quand-même. Croisé mon (ancien) chef qui commandait un sandwiche à toute vitesse avant d'aller courir : il prépare le Marseille-Cassis.


Essayé de travailler...


Commencé à ranger mon bureau. Ça devient une manie ! Là aussi ça devait bien faire un an que je n'y avais pas touché, que j'avais pris l'habitude de simplement tout jeter sur les côtés au fur et à mesure, alors j'avais comme sur la photo d'hier, mais sur le bureau (et dessous aussi, et sur l'étagère aussi... houlala), et sans avoir pré-trié... et avec un an de poussière en plus. Donc j'ai pris mon courage d'une main et la poubelle de l'autre, et hop au boulot. Ensuite j'ai posé la poubelle, j'ai changé mon courage de main (pour respecter l'alternance) et j'ai saisi une éponge de l'autre. Résultat : tout vide, tout propre, au prix de quelques éternuements. Ça fait du bien, là aussi.


J'ai retrouvé le texte de ma soutenance de thèse dans les papiers. C'était drôle ! J'ai aussi enlevé tous mes souvenirs, les babioles collées sur les murs. Question de recommencer sur de nouvelles bases, je crois que j'en avais vraiment besoin.


Essayé de travailler...


Commencé mon diaporama pour ma présentation de mardi à la conférence. Plutôt que de suivre strictement mon article j'ai envie de faire un truc un peu différent maintenant que je maîtrise bien le sujet. Alors j'ai pris un papier, un crayon, et j'ai réfléchi à comment est-ce que je voulais présenter la chose. C'est bizarre. J'ai tellement pris l'habitude ces derniers mois de devoir présenter tout mon travail en 10 mn, que d'un coup avoir juste une partie à présenter en 20 mn ça me fait tout drôle...


Reçu un coup de fil d'une copine maître de conférences à qui il est arrivé des tas de choses pas chouettes. Elle croyait que j'étais aussi déprimée qu'elle, je crois que ça l'a désarçonnée un peu que j'aie déjà repris du poil de la bête. Alors j'ai fait ce que j'ai pu pour lui remonter le moral un tout petit peu, autant que je pouvais comme ça, au téléphone dans le couloir du labo. Me suis sentie un peu insuffisante, sur ce coup, mais je ne savais pas trop quoi faire de plus.


Essayé de travailler...


Bon, c'est dur. Je me sens toute vide dans ma tête. Je suis sans doute vraiment vide, ce n'est pas qu'une impression. Pourtant il va bien falloir que je fasse encore un petit effort. Et puis ça va bien se passer, elle est chouette cette conf', "on est en famille" comme me le disaient des collègues l'an dernier. Je suis contente d'y aller ; j'ai juste du mal à faire encore une présentation, une belle, une bonne, intéressante, efficace, ouverte. Difficile de faire encore un truc nouveau avec toutes ces choses que je répète une nième fois. Difficile de trouver encore de l'entrain pour ça. Mais j'ai encore du temps, ça ira.


Enfin... faudrait que je m'active un peu tout de même, là, on est jeudi soir et tout le WE je serai occupée.


415 Commentaires :

Anonyme a dit...

Quand on essaie de s'exhorter sans grand succès à travailler, je me demande si, finalement, on ne ferait pas mieux de vraiment profiter de ce temps et ne pas travailler.
Dans les travaux d'écriture, de présentation et autres écrits à rendre, je me demande si quelque chose en nous ne sait pas exactement combien de temps il faudra et quand il faudra vraiment s'y mettre. Ce quelque chose qu'il faudrait écouter au lieu de se forcer.
Enfin, je fais pareil que toi et pire, à perdre du temps sans vraiment travailler et sans pour autant profiter de ce temps.
Et c'est pénible.
Comment s'accorder plus de bon temps avec les écrits ? J'aimerais bien y arriver.

Mimille a dit...

C'est drôle parce que hier, même si j'ai essayé de travailler presque en vain toute la journée, j'ai quand-même moins eu cette impression de m'acherner pour rien et de perdre du temps que j'avais pu l'avoir à certaines périodes pendant mes années de thèse. Ah, dans ces moments-là, c'était l'angoisse !

Là, c'est juste que je suis vidée. (Je répète le même mot, mais c'est vraiment celui qui correspond parfaitement.)

C'est vrai que l'on ne devrait sans doute pas se prendre la tête parce qu'on va finir par faire ce qu'on a à faire, et que si l'on n'y arrive pas c'est peut-être simplement parce que le moment n'est pas venu.

Cela étant dit, tout de même, il faut que j'y arrive aujourd'hui parce que sinon ça va devenir compliqué ! :-) Et puis ça va me stresser, aussi.

"Comment s'accorder plus de bon temps avec les écrits ? J'aimerais bien y arriver."
--> Finalement, je remarque qu'il y a eu deux périodes où j'ai particulièrement passé du bon temps à écrire.
La première c'était quand je commençais mes études, du DEUG à la Maîtrise, et où je m'installais devant un café et que j'écrivais tout ce qui me passait par la tête. C'était comme écrire un roman sur la linguistique, je croisais toutes les connaissances qui me venaient à l'esprit, j'aimais beaucoup ça. Sans doute parce que c'était sans contrainte académique.
La seconde ça a été pendant la rédaction de ma thèse. A tel point que mes amis se fichaient de moi ! Passé les quelques temps d'adaptation au rythme, j'ai trouvé ça génial de pouvoir ENFIN écrire en détail tout ce sur quoi j'avais travaillé pendant des années, tout ce que j'avais tenté d'expliquer à des gens mais que je n'avais pas le temps d'expliquer complètement, tout ce que je n'avais pas encore pris le temps de mettre noir sur blanc sur le papier, et puis quand ça prend enfin forme, quand on a suffisamment avancé et qu'on se rend compte que ça tient la route... ouahhhh, c'est complètement génial.

Anonyme a dit...

tu es alors en plein dans la creativite, oui, c'est genial et cela revient au bon moment , en t'inquiete pas. les rangements c'est aussi du travail; et c'est tr�s important pour voir plus clair ensuite dans tous les sens du mot.
approfondis cette id�ee de bourse, et fais les demarches cela devrait �tre bon pour toi; courage.

Mimille a dit...

Ah malheureusement, n'étant pas au Royaume-Uni, je ne peux pas demander cette bourse... dommage !

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